WHERE ARE
THE LESBIANS?
I am touring Europe, having conversations from the gut to find the answer. Follow the investigation on Instagram.🔗 Below are glimpses into some of the stories, fragments from an upcoming book.
Vivienne de Swarte
Wellington, UK
Born 1943
"I had an unconventional background. My rebellion was to be conventional. My mother was divorced and a political campaigner, and my sister was a lesbian feminist.
Instead of politics, I turned to Hollywood movies, where everything was glamorous. I wanted money, lovely clothes, and a walk-in closet, so I got married when I was 20 and he was 22. I got the house, the car, and the child.
But I was torn. I never thought of women as anything more than friends until I was 50 years old. By that point, my marriage was probably already on the verge of ending. A woman pursued me, and that was the beginning of a new chapter in my life."
Alicia Lagercrantz
Malmö/Stockholm, Sweden
Born 1989
"I absolutely claim the need for lesbian rooms. We have this false idea that separatist rooms are not needed anymore because lesbians are welcome everywhere. In doing so, lesbians become invisible. In Sweden, we are good at patting ourselves on the back, saying: 'We are not racists or homophobes. We treat all minorities well.'
I think this is a very effective way of silencing minorities and killing resistance. On top of that, we also struggle with the image of the lesbian who, once she meets someone, just wants to sit at home, knit, and have a dog.”
Sandra Raciborska
Born in Poland, 1988
Lives in Malmö, Sweden
"I’ve encountered plenty of people, both at work and in school, who would say, 'You’re disgusting,' as soon as they found out I was a lesbian.
Living in Poland meant living in constant fear. I found myself analyzing every person I met, every situation I was in, trying to figure out if it was safe. Outside of our home, I could never openly express my feelings toward my wife.
I can’t even begin to describe how painful it was to constantly face negative reactions to who I am."
Bessy Polykarpon
Born in Greece 1992
Lives in Paris, France
"I dream of creating a queer family here, something that feels nearly impossible for me in Greece. But when I actually think about it, even pursuing single motherhood feels uncertain. I'm not 100% sure it's what I want or if it's truly feasible.
My gynecologist suggested connecting with groups of lesbian mothers in France, which is a possibility. And yet, thinking about belonging in such spaces also brings up the reality of butch phobia—that pervasive idea some people have that 'butches aren't women.'
It's not about desire, but about facing prejudice that questions my identity, even when I'm just considering a path like motherhood."
PORTRAITS OF
HUMAN LIFE
In the art of living, we are all amateurs facing the unknown. Each portrait and conversation is a small light passed from one hand to another.
MOUHAMED SOULEIMAN
On The Parrot Who Became a Son
”One day my son came to visit. He had brought many boxes in different sizes. In one of them was a living parrot. My immediate reaction was that I didn't want him. "Take the bird with you when you leave." But my son insisted: "He's yours. If you don't want him, you can sell him." I wanted neither money nor a bird. After much back and forth, my son started to assemble the cage.
I was living alone and I wasn't doing well. I had many problems. I still struggle with many problems.
In 1982, I was living in Lebanon. One day, I was going to drive and buy coffee. I started the car. My two-year-old son was sitting beside me. I had barely driven a meter when the car exploded. I managed to get both myself and my son out. He had burns all over his body. I got a concussion. To this day, I have severe tinnitus. It will never go away. I live with constant pain. The doctors say there is nothing they can do.
My bird, Asfor, gets sad when he sees me sad. It's as if he feels what I feel. I have five sons and one daughter. Asfor has become like a special son to me. He is better than my other children because he listens to me. The other children don't listen to me (laughs).
I've had him for eight years. During those years, I have tried to adapt to his needs. I used to be home very rarely, but since Asfor has to eat every five hours, I spend more time at home now than I used to. Ever since he was little, he has come outside with me. He sits on my shoulder, inside my jacket. We usually walk around the shops inside Triangeln. At home, the cage is always open. Asfor must be able to breathe and feel free. If he's trapped in a cage, he's like an imprisoned person, and you can't have that. You can't treat him like that.
When he was little and not so tame, he used to wear me out, but now that he's tame, he has become a friend. We have a strong partnership. When I'm with him, I feel better mentally. I am very glad I kept him. Now, I can't imagine a life without him.
Asfor means 'bird' in Lebanese. It's not very creative, but it's what I call him.”
Told to Gry Ellebjerg in Malmö, Sweden.
SUSANNE SPERNEDER
On Why Death is Good for Us
"I work with patients who are at the end of life. I have a fantastic job. In the midst of all the sorrow, there is a lot of joy. You might not think so. Of course, there are many difficult moments. We meet families and individuals in great grief. We know that our patients have a short time left. But in the midst of all that, there is an incredible amount of life and joy.
I become more alive in my own life by being in death's waiting room. It gives me perspective. I am reminded of what is important and that I have a choice. All dying patients testify to the same thing. They say that we should cherish our relationships. All the material things, all the superficial things that many of us chase, are not essential. In the end, it's all about relationships.
Many middle-aged men, in particular, testify to this. They express a sorrow over having worked their lives away. They may have had a career, lived fast without reflecting. They have chased material things and riches, and then it all ends. And there they lie. I know several who have said: 'What was the point of all that? Why did I think I was happy in that life?' If we strip everything away—what is left?
I have come to the conclusion that it's about being grateful for what you have. To be grateful that you're healthy and how important it is to take care of yourself. It's about nurturing your relationships with loved ones. Every evening before I go to sleep, I do a gratitude exercise. I think about what I've experienced during the day that I can learn from. What do I have to look forward to tomorrow? When I wake up, I try to direct my energy in a positive direction. It's possible to mentally influence how my day will turn out.
I think people, in general, are afraid to look inward, and so we focus outward. That's why I believe death is vital to life. We need death to balance us. We would become completely unbearable otherwise."
Told to Gry Ellebjerg in Malmö, Sweden.
SVEN WIDNÉR
On Women With Black Eyes
"I'm 78 years old and I will die with my scissors in my hand. I have a large farm. If I'm sitting up there by myself, who am I going to talk to? It wouldn't be long before I was finished.
I enjoy the encounters with my customers. We talk about all sorts of things. But people don't open up as much as they used to. I've seen a lot of tragedies. Maybe not so much with the male customers, because they aren't as open. But women are. Most of the time, I just listen. I try to guide them onto the right path. You can do that. But you don't go too deep into it all. 'Nothing lasts forever,' I usually say, even if we sometimes think it does.
A lot of people treat each other terribly. I hear it, you know. In the relationships they have in their lives. I have seen so many women who have been beaten. I see it when they come in. They're wearing sunglasses. I can't cut their hair with sunglasses on. When they take them off, they have black eyes. I tell them I understand what's happened. If they want to talk after that, it's up to them.
That's the relationship I have with the customers in the chair. But outside the chair, I don't have one. I've learned to separate the two. I've been working here for 55 years. The salon has become the glue of my life. Retire? I might as well be dead."
Told to Gry Ellebjerg in Malmö, Sweden, 2023.
RASMUS OTTOSEN
On Finding Your Shit
"There are people who play tennis, table tennis, collect stamps, or go to beauty shows with their hamster. My thing is cargo bikes. People think I'm obsessed. They think I'm a disturbed nerd, but I like it. When I'm biking, I feel joy, happiness, and energy. I connect with nature, become present, and feel free. When I bike, I create my own rhythm. I become my own boss. But it took a few years before I got hooked.
I got my first cargo bike when our first child came into the world. It was a practical decision. We didn't have a car and thought a cargo bike was a good alternative. In the beginning, it was mostly about getting out with the kids and getting them to move. It wasn't until I separated that I realized what biking was really about. At that time, I was in a bad state and needed to find something that made me happy. I tried different things. Cooking, working out, and a previous hobby involving wine. Around the same time, I came across a book by a well-known media guy. He talked about the importance of finding something you're passionate about and going all-in on it. That's when it hit me that I was riding a cargo bike every day and that it made me happy. That's when I put it all together and realized that biking wasn't just a means of transportation. Biking calmed my heart, soul, and mind.
I was also interested in the whole emerging industry around cargo bikes. I really believed in the function of the cargo bike in society. That's when I decided to go all-in on it and started a video blog about everyday life with the cargo bike.
That decision changed my life. Thanks to changing my life and starting to act on my passion and my drive, I have created new opportunities for myself. It has resulted in me getting to meet fantastic people who share my interest. At the beginning of May, there was a big trade fair in Germany where I was invited with my accommodation paid for. In the end, my passion for cargo bikes has helped me understand that I have to take responsibility for my life. If you don't hold yourself responsible for your life situation, you won't get anywhere."
Told to Gry Ellebjerg in Malmö, Sweden.
MATHIAS &
HIS SUITS
On the streets of Malmö, Mathias Ekdahl was like a character from another world. It wasn't until he started talking, completely off-script, that I understood he was real. I had to know his story.
Here is a first look.
”I was going to be the godfather to my brother's first son. I never used to wear suits, but for that occasion, I put one on. I felt immediately that this was for me. After the baptism, I wanted to make a change in my life. Since then, I've worn a suit pretty much every day. That was 14 years ago.
I feel like I become a man when I put on a suit. A woman I was fond of liked my suits. When we were going out, she wanted to dress up too. You can see people look at you a little differently. Especially friends I haven't seen in a long time. They usually ask why I'm dressed in a suit. I usually say that I want to change my life.
I grew up on Ramels väg in Rosengård. It’s one of the toughest addresses in Malmö. I have a troubled background. The suit helps me stay on the right course in life. Clothes are more important than you think.
The 1930s seems like a beautiful era. Sweden was completely different then. Everyone wore suits, even 16-year-olds. Unfortunately, not many people wear suits anymore. It's lawyers and businessmen—yes, the important men. People shouldn't be ashamed to put on something exclusive that stands out a little. I don't think you should save your best clothes for special occasions.
When I want to look my absolute best, I put on my Cavaliere jacket with the gold buttons and linen trousers from Armani. That's when I'm wearing the finest things I own. When I wear my suits, I become talkative and happy. I open up, especially to women. I've managed to get a few phone numbers. They always think I'm older than I am."
Told to Gry Ellebjerg in Malmö, Sweden.
MATHIAS EKDAHL
The Moment a Godfather Discovers the Powersuit
